Tit for Tat
The truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, is supposed to be the definition for honesty but when it comes to love and sex, the whole truth never applies. During the process of scouting for partners, dating and relationships, is honesty really the best policy? And are games between the sexes really necessary for love to blossom? With guys playing games and girls following the all-important rules, are we ever just being ourselves in the dating world?
For decades, well probably centuries, men and women have been taught how they should and should not act when being courted. Today there are countless books and how-to guides to find a mate. If we have to read a book to learn how to fall in love and meet Mr or Mrs Right, are we being honest with each other or just playing some role well laid out in a love manual. In the late nineties, a book called The Rules by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider was all the rage with copies flying off shelves, as women wanted to get the facts for dealing with and catching guys.
Let me share some of these rules with you. The writers recommend “showing up to parties and social events even if you do not feel like it because you may not meet Mr Right naturally, so therefore you must take social action immediately even if you don’t want to.” Another rule, “If you are in a long distance relationship, he must visit you at least three times before you visit him and you must remember that these are like three dates, so you must not sleep with him or have him stay over at your place.
The women also recommend “closing the deal because Rules women do not date men for more than two years, if it has been more than a year and he has not proposed, then start seeing less of him and think about dating others.” Some other popular ones include “Don’t call him and rarely return his phone calls, Always end phone calls first, Don’t accept a Saturday night date after Wednesday, Stop dating him if he doesn’t buy you a romantic gift for your birthday or Valentines day, Don’t see him more than once or twice a week and No more than casual kissing on the first date.”
Now guys are coming up with their set of rules to counteract the Rule Book. Oye! So are we all just playing each other, giving tit for tat and never being honest? I was having drinks with a few friends last night and a guy in the group was convinced that no one was ever completely honest during the first stages of dating. I disagreed with him at first but then realized that he was actually right.
We all want to show our good sides when we first meet someone and present ourselves in the best way possible. At this time, we all lie by omission, hiding all of our negative traits and bad habits. As the relationship progress, little white lies are always used. For example guys, your girlfriend asks you, “Honey, do I look fat in this?” Your answer, even though she has put on twenty or thirty extra pounds must always be “No honey, of course not. You look perfect!”
I really do not approve all of this game playing nonsense but while doing research for this column, I have found out that some of them do actually work! I guess it is all about psychology and understanding human behaviour. And no, I will not share what methods or rules I used!
For decades, well probably centuries, men and women have been taught how they should and should not act when being courted. Today there are countless books and how-to guides to find a mate. If we have to read a book to learn how to fall in love and meet Mr or Mrs Right, are we being honest with each other or just playing some role well laid out in a love manual. In the late nineties, a book called The Rules by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider was all the rage with copies flying off shelves, as women wanted to get the facts for dealing with and catching guys.
Let me share some of these rules with you. The writers recommend “showing up to parties and social events even if you do not feel like it because you may not meet Mr Right naturally, so therefore you must take social action immediately even if you don’t want to.” Another rule, “If you are in a long distance relationship, he must visit you at least three times before you visit him and you must remember that these are like three dates, so you must not sleep with him or have him stay over at your place.
The women also recommend “closing the deal because Rules women do not date men for more than two years, if it has been more than a year and he has not proposed, then start seeing less of him and think about dating others.” Some other popular ones include “Don’t call him and rarely return his phone calls, Always end phone calls first, Don’t accept a Saturday night date after Wednesday, Stop dating him if he doesn’t buy you a romantic gift for your birthday or Valentines day, Don’t see him more than once or twice a week and No more than casual kissing on the first date.”
Now guys are coming up with their set of rules to counteract the Rule Book. Oye! So are we all just playing each other, giving tit for tat and never being honest? I was having drinks with a few friends last night and a guy in the group was convinced that no one was ever completely honest during the first stages of dating. I disagreed with him at first but then realized that he was actually right.
We all want to show our good sides when we first meet someone and present ourselves in the best way possible. At this time, we all lie by omission, hiding all of our negative traits and bad habits. As the relationship progress, little white lies are always used. For example guys, your girlfriend asks you, “Honey, do I look fat in this?” Your answer, even though she has put on twenty or thirty extra pounds must always be “No honey, of course not. You look perfect!”
I really do not approve all of this game playing nonsense but while doing research for this column, I have found out that some of them do actually work! I guess it is all about psychology and understanding human behaviour. And no, I will not share what methods or rules I used!
posted by Love Chronicles | 1:48 PM
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