Esther Lee's Love Chronicles

These are my personal tales of love, life and sex. Love Chronicles is now an award winning column. It captured the Gold (1st) prize for Creative Journalism in the National Arts Awards 2006 in St. Lucia!

November 02, 2009

One Cocktail And A Lover Please!

I swore that I would never take any man I met at a club as serious partner material. I didn’t always think that way but learnt pretty quickly that a man who can dance does not equal a man I can date. Clubs are really one of the worst places to meet guys who you want a future with because many times they (the guys) are just looking for a woman to shag for the night. I have gotten many “Hey beautiful, you want to come home with me tonight.” In a dark nightclub, your judgement is also clouded with one too many cosmopolitans or mojitos and the low lighting makes everyone look like Romeo.

Now getting older and with many more clubs in London to scope out, I have decided to give nightclubs another chance at serving up some interesting hotties. Maybe if I am completely open and give all of the men who come up to me a second look, then maybe, just maybe, my dry spell would end.

It’s was a Wednesday night; I put on my sexiest black dress with boots and headed over to an A-list club on Air Street in London’s Soho area. Walked in and took time to scan the vicinity. Lots of possibilities there. Ten minutes on the dance floor and guy number one came over to me. He was a terrible dancer and kept on missing the beat but I remained open to all possibilities. After a few minutes of smiling at each other and moving to the house music, he introduced himself. Peter was 29, in the banking industry, had a pet dog named Archie and loved the Caribbean. Tick, tick, tick. He looked very attractive under the disco lights and the flirty dancing continued. Three hours into the night and things were still going well. Maybe this meeting at the club thing could work out after all. “So you coming home with me tonight, right,” Peter said. Where did that come from? I was on the hunt for a meaningful relationship, not a one night stand so I politely declined his offer. He gave me his number before he left the club, “just in case you change your mind.”

Next up, a very crowded club near Oxford Street. I headed to the bottom level dance floor and squeezed through the crowd to get a drink at the bar. On my way there, a guy bumped into me. “Sorry about that,” he said, smiling with a lingering stare. With a vodka cranberry in hand, I was making my way over to my friends, when, the same guy bumped into me. “Sorry again,” he said laughing. Half an hour later, while dancing to a hot tune from Justin Timberlake and 50 Cent, he slid right next to me and started dancing. “Sorry about that earlier. I just wanted to say hi to you,” he said with a hint of a French accent. Pierre was studying in London, from France and was a fantastic dancer. There was only one thing; he was 21. Having just turned 27, I am trying to avoid dating guys younger than me. Tried it before and it just does not work out. Alas, Pierre was great company on the dance floor for the night, but his cheesy and immature chat up lines just did not do it for me.

Now I remember why I crossed out nightclubs as a place to meet guys. As I write this a new British television dating show is on. The premise is that friends and family search for the perfect partner for you and ensure that they get you a perfect match. I think this will be my next move. Let me now send out a mass email to everyone I know. Subject: Do You Know The Perfect Man For Me?

August 02, 2008

Love Notes, Sex Slaves And Celebrities

I have constantly listened to all of the advice givers about where to find love. Many say that the right man is in front of you if you look hard enough, and all of the grandmas advise to “go to church and you will surely find a good boy there that will treat you right!” Other places where the man of your dreams is said to hiding are in the supermarket, at sports events, the library, next door, etc, etc. I have been there done that and no man that I was actually interested in could be found at any of the above places.

My recent move from St Lucia, in the Caribbean, to London has opened up dozens of goody bags of new ways of man hunting. Personal ads in the newspapers are abundantly available so I began my quest there. ‘Professional, tall, slim male looking for woman to give TLC and no strings attached fun.” Next! “Recycled bachelor, stock broker, 6’4”, handsome and looking for some fun from hot lady.” Maybe this was not the way to go.

Another popular method of meeting guys is dating events at clubs. A new one sparking a lot of interest is Friday FourPlay at a cool club in Soho called Punk. Kelly Osbourne and Kate Moss have made this their regular hangout, so snagging a man and spotting a celebrity could all be done at the same time. What more could a girl want? Every Friday evening for about four hours, Punk is turned into a dating venue for men searching for women, women for men, men on the hunt for men and women for women. The waiters, called sex slaves, place post it notepads on each table. If you see a boy or girl that tickles your fancy, you simply write them a love note saying so and hopefully they respond. These ‘notes of interests’ are delivered by the sex slaves so much embarrassment is saved.

Friday night and here I was at Punk, quickly surveying the room for any prospects. Yes, they were definitely in abundance, the tall and handsome guy in a suit near the bar, the artsy type sitting on a couch with friends and the smooth operator in the corner giving me a nod. Ordered a cocktail and settled onto a couch to begin my ‘correspondence’. Before deciding on my male target, a note came my way from the nodder in the corner. “You’re hot!” it simply said. “You’re hot yourself.” I wrote back. Soon, the sex slave waitress was back with a my drink of choice ordered for me by my pen pal and another note. “What’s your number?” “Come talk to me and I’ll give it to you,” I flirted back. “Come home with me now and we can talk in bed,” he responded. Next please.

While looking around for another prospect, a cutey parked his behind right next to mine. “Any luck?” I asked. “Nah, not really, started exchanging notes to a couple of girls but they didn’t want to actually talk to me in person,” he responded. “Look around again and maybe you will have better luck this time,” I advised. “I think I already have better luck,” said while eyeing me up and down and left to right.

The rest of my night was spent chatting with; let’s call him David, and moving my Caribbean waist on the dance floor. Singer James Blunt or a very good look alike walked by and gave a sexy smile. By the end of the night, numbers were exchanged. Friday FourPlay definitely gets my vote.

Next up, I must join the group Single in London on Facebook. This seems to be new breeding ground for hot dates. As I write, David, who I met at the dating night at Punk, sends me a text to ask what I am doing this weekend. Thumbs way up for this man meeting method. It is time for the Caribbean to jump on the bandwagon and seriously give this a try. Meeting men in the supermarket or at the local bar has just become passé.

July 17, 2007

The 'M' Word

I am now used to getting responses to my column but last week’s article seem to take on a life of its own. Persons were stopping me in the streets just to let me know that they had read my article on sex toys. They didn’t want to discuss it at all but would just repeat the words ‘sex toys’ and ‘vibrators’ and snicker and giggle a lot. I am talking about grown men and women here, not kids. In 2007, is talking about sex still that taboo?

Only one reader was bold enough to continue the discussion, I would say that he was too bold. I was having dinner at one of my favorite restaurants Charthouse with my girlfriends, biting into a juicy medium rare lamb when a male acquaintance sitting near by starting talking about the article. He wanted to know if he could bring a sex toy and have a foursome with me and my girls. I’ll pass thank you!

Anyway, I have really been pondering the illegal status of vibrators, dildos and such toys and really wanted to investigate further why they were banned, and the implications of this. Like most of the laws on the books, this one has its roots in the rules of the Catholic faith. Yes, couples use sex toys to spice things up, but the main purpose is for self gratification or the taboo ‘M’ word that everybody pretends does not exist, Masturbation.

According to the Vatican website, in the ‘Catechism of the Catholic Church’, ‘By masturbation is to be understood the deliberate stimulation of the genital organs in order to derive sexual pleasure. Both the Magisterium of the Church, in the course of a constant tradition, and the moral sense of the faithful have been in no doubt and have firmly maintained that masturbation is an intrinsically and gravely disordered action. The deliberate use of the sexual faculty, for whatever reason, outside of marriage is essentially contrary to its purpose.’

In simple terms, the Catholic Church considers masturbation a grave sin. According to Catholic teaching, sexual activity is intended for conception, thus masturbation is an immoral sexual practice because it does not permit conception and that masturbation is a sin that must be confessed in the Sacrament of Reconciliation. This is the same reason that the church also opposes birth control.

My take is that laws are supposed to make lives better. Let us face the fact that people in this country are having sex, or you and I would not be here today. I believe in self control but we all have sexual urges, it is only natural. So would it not be best and smarter to use toys such as vibrators to get pleasure instead of having actual sex that if done unsafely could lead to unwanted pregnancies, diseases and emotional harm?

Other issues also arise. Sex toys are getting into the country, illegal as they are, and some people have developed an underground or black market business dealing them. I wonder how these ‘obscene articles and matter’ (Customs Act) get into the country. Is some customs official being bribed to turn a blind eye to the trade or are they being paid in kind? Maybe the traders have taken my advice and have started passing them of as neck and back massagers! More on this to come…

July 10, 2007

Toys R Us

Being a writer at STAR Publishing has many advantages including the open discussion of many taboo subjects that would make many uncomfortable and running for the door. On one hot Wednesday afternoon, the topic turned to relationships, then sex and then onto sex toys. I was pondering the fact that there were no sex shops here. While spending time in South Beach, Miami, there were sex or pleasure shops every few blocks. They sold not only lingerine, pornography videos but also sex toys such as vibrators, dildos, handcuffs, costumes and well, you get my point.

So, one of my colleagues informed me that importing vibrators or any sex toys were absolutely against the law. I of course was shocked. I mean, this is 2007, where we should be open minded. What responsible adults do in their bedrooms is all up to them, so what if they wanted to spice things up a bit? Should a couple be prosecuted for wanting to add some fun to and revamp their sex lives?

I was not fully convinced that this was actually against the law so my colleague called the Customs department to get the full report. Alas, he was informed of the section in the Customs Act that pertained to such items and yes they were prohibited from the island. The folks at Customs were sweet enough to fax a copy over to us. Let me spell it out to you.

In the Customs(Control and Management) Act, Third Schedule, Prohibitions and Restrictions, Part One, a list of prohibited imports was given. Included on the list was ‘All publications, articles or other matter associated with black magic, secret magic obeah, witchcraft or other magical arts and occultism’, ‘Preparations of opium or other narcotic drugs for smoking’ and ‘Condoms manufactured by MONKOK LATIX of South Korea’.

Then there it was, prohibited imports also include ‘Indecent or obscene prints, paintings, photographs, books, cards, lithographic or other engravings, phonographic records, videos or any other indecent articles or matter.’ Ok now, let’s break this down. So according to the law, I would be prohibited or not allowed to bring into the country any nude paintings by the old Masters of the Renaissance or nude photographs by the genius Helmet Newton. Now on to the vibrators such as the ‘rabbit’ which gained popularity in an episode of HBO’s Sex and the City. Vibrators and any other sex toys are, I guess, considered ‘indecent articles or matter’.

Let’s just all stop giggling now and grow the hell up and get in step with the world around us. Sex toys are something that adults use to keep things interesting and should certainly not be considered illegal or prohibited. Why don’t we use all of that energy to stop the ridiculous amount of illegal drugs trafficked in and out of or country.
I guess the next time I want to bring in the ‘rabbit’, I will have to tell the customs official that it is a neck massager! Anyhoo kids, until next time…

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