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Esther Lee's Love Chronicles

These are my personal tales of love, life and sex. Love Chronicles is now an award winning column. It captured the Gold (1st) prize for Creative Journalism in the National Arts Awards 2006 in St. Lucia!

May 29, 2006

Makeover Madness

Last weekend I spent a few days with my girlfriends and another friend who I had not seen in three years. We of course had to exchange three years worth of stories, dramas and juicy gossip. As it usually happens, the topic of conversation centered on our love lives and the men involved. All of my friends were all discussing their boyfriends and love interests, well that is until it was my turn.

“So Esther, you haven’t told me. Who is the hot boyfriend now?” my friend asked, waiting to hear the soaps. “Well I don’t have one now,” I muttered under my breath. “What, you have no man, why?” she asked confused. I then proceeded to explain, to my bewildered friend, that I really was not interested in anyone right now and there really was none of my type of guy around (that I could see). “What do you mean, your type of guy?” she asked. “Well none that are perfect for me, none that I really want’” I answered. She then went on to set me straight, and explained that I would never ever have a boyfriend, if I was planning on waiting around for my type or someone that was perfect for me.

“What you have to do is find a man who has the basic set of morals and values that you want, then you fix or makeover the other stuff that you don’t like. So if he is a nice guy but he really does not know how to dress or something like that, then you simply give him a makeover and dress him how you want to,” she said. Wow, does that mean that men can be our personal Ken dolls. Do we go around shopping for the basic look that we want and then ‘dress him up’ the way we like? Should we accept someone who is just partly what we want then make him over to be our perfect man? Can we really ever change a man? Now dear male readers, I was not the one who said it, so please send your hate mail somewhere else!

My girlfriend then went on to share several stories of her other friends and their boyfriends. She explained that you have to be subtle about making these changes in your boyfriend so that they do not even realize what is happening. One of her friends detested a pair of shoes that her man wore, so one day when he was not around, she threw them out. When the man asked if she had seen his shoes, she of course said that she had no idea where they were. Her problem was solved. She went out shopping with him and helped pick out a pair that she liked. Another friend of hers thought that her boyfriend was a little too big around the belly, so she gave him a gym membership as a gift. Oye! So is that how it works? She also assured me that all men needed was a good woman to steer them in the right direction and that I should start looking around for the man that I could fix to be perfect for me.

I have been thinking of this issue for a few days now. Maybe that’s my answer to getting a man. I have been turning down some dates and a marriage proposal because the guys did not fit into my bracket. Should I accept an offer, and then go to work on creating my perfect man by changing what I do not like about that person. I really don’t know if I could. From all reports it has worked for a lot of women but could I manipulate someone into changing? Some have said that this process never works because a woman cannot change a man if he does not want to be changed. Some also say that these ‘makeovers’ last for only a while then the man gets tired and returns to his old ways. A woman once told me that she gave a man an extreme makeover, he dated her for a while then left her for another woman. It seems that a lot of other women appreciated the changes as well and threw themselves at him constantly. I think I will avoid that route for now! Until next week…

May 23, 2006

I Won!!!

I submitted a collection of my Love Chronicles articles for the Literary Arts Section in the National Arts Awards of St. Lucia, organised by the Cultural Development Foundation. Formerly called the M & C Arts Awards, the competition and exhibition recognizes writers and artists of all genres including Visual, Performing and Literary. So, the awards ceremony was held last Saturday and I won the Gold (1st) prize for Creative Journalism. Who knew writing about my love life could win me a literary award!!!

Here with my daddy John Robert Lee, who is a great author/poet. Some of the writing genes rubbed off on me. One day I will be published, just like him! LOL

May 22, 2006

Will You Marry Me?

I knew the day would come sooner or later. I thought it would be later but you never know with these things. I got asked the important question. That vital question that most women hope and pray and cross their fingers for. The question that changes lives and make most women weep with joy. Will you marry me? Now dear readers don’t get too excited thinking that this single gal will be single no more or that your invitation will be in the mail.

Ok, let’s start from the beginning. It was 7am on a Saturday morning, when my cell phone rang, waking me up. Anybody who knows me will never call me that early on a Saturday! If I am not filming for the TV show or covering a story, my bed is my friend until the very late hours of the morning, especially if I went out the night before. So the cell phone rings and I drag my tired body out of bed to answer it. “Hello,” I said still half asleep. “Hello, it is me,” the voice answered back. “Who?” I asked getting ready to hang up and return to bed. “It is me (insert name here),” he answered. “What’s up?” I asked wondering what the emergency was at this early hour. “Am, well, there is something that I wanted to tell you ever since the first time I saw you,” the guy said.
“Yes,” me becoming impatient. “Well I wanted to tell you that I love you and want you to marry me,” he dropped the bombshell.

WHAT!!!! I of course got fully awake instantly, and then started to wonder whether I was dreaming. “What did you say?” I asked. “I want you to marry me,” he said again. I reminded the guy in question that we hardly knew each other so the marriage question was a little strange. “Why do you say that?” he asked. Ok I had had enough, so I told him I had to go and I would have to speak to him later.

Now dear readers, this guy is not my boyfriend (as you all know I have none right now) or even someone that I have been dating, have dated or ever will date. I met this guy a few weeks ago, I can’t really go into detail, but we spoke briefly. I hired him to do something for me, so we had to meet up again. That was our only contact. After I had hung up the phone, I began to wonder. Had I sent the wrong signals? Did he misinterpret my warm and sunny disposition as interest in him? Where did it all go wrong?

I related this story to one of girlfriends and she came to two conclusions. One. This guy had severe mental problems. Two. He mistook my good manners for love. I really did not know what to conclude. The day after, he called me about eleven times in a one hour period. And the day after that as well. I finally answered and asked him what was up. He wanted to know when we could meet. I told him that I was busy and had to go because my boyfriend (the imaginary one) was waiting for me. Well, well dear readers, hopefully I will be asked that question again one day, later instead of sooner I hope. And until then I will try not to give out the wrong signals. Until next week…

May 11, 2006

To Like or Not To Like

Growing up, I, like a lot of others had to learn that you can not have everything you want. No, I could not have a third ice cream cone or another doll. As you get older, you start having more control over what you want and what you can get. At twenty-five I can get that third ice cream cone if I want, or buy another pair of heels, but when it comes to love, sometimes the choice is not up to you at all. What do you do if you want something or someone but they do not want you back? What do you do if someone wants you but you do not want them? To like or not to like. That is the question.

Earlier this week one of my girlfriends called me at work and shared some very interesting news. She had found out through a mutual friend of ours that this guy (who we both knew) was extremely interested in me, and hoped that we could go out sometime. This information caused quite a distraction and I instantly got writer’s block just as I was trying to finish an article. Oye!! I got a little flustered, not because I was interested in him as well but because I was not.

Don’t get me wrong, this guy was perfect (well that I could see). He was good looking, educated, funny; I could have great conversations with him and I am sure that he would be a fun date. I had spoken to him a few times in the past, and we had mutual friends so we saw each other out and about. But, and this is a huge but, he was just not for me, just not my type. I have tried thinking outside the box and not really dating ‘my type’ but that just does not work for me. I always end up saying ‘I knew I was not interested!’ after the first date and have the task of telling the guy that this will be the last date. So this time, what am I to do? This guy has not asked me out yet but I am sure that the time is near. So what do you do? Do you go ahead and try to like this person because they like you? Or do you stick to your gut feeling and let them down, gently of course.

Another troubling situation arises, when the opposite is true. What if you are soooo in love (or in like) with someone but they just do not share the same feelings? I remember, years ago when I was a youngster at school, I had this huge crush on a guy. Major crush. We were in all of the same classes and had all of the same friends, so he was always around. So one day, I finally got enough courage to admit to one of my girlfriends that I was really interested in this guy. So she agreed to pass the message along and let the guy know how I felt. So she did and came back to let me know that he wanted to talk to me. I was sooo excited and expected him to profess his undying love for me. Did he do that? Oh no he didn’t. Instead he told me that he was not interested in me in that way but thought that I was a great friend. Then he went on to admit that he was really in love with my friend, the same one who came to him about me!!! And further more could I let her know that he liked her. WHAT???? This guy had been so gentle with his let down that I could not help but agree to assist him with his crush. But alas, she was not at all interested in him. Well I guess we both learnt a valuable lesson that day, you do not always get what you want and someone does not always like you just because you like him or her.

So what am I going to do about the guy who likes me? Right now, I am guessing that I will let him down very gently or use some lame excuse like ‘I’m always busy.’ But who knows, when the time comes I may just give him a chance and like him back. Let me know what you think. Until next week…

May 02, 2006

All In The Past?

We have all said or heard someone say the following: “I will never get hurt by any guy/girl again.” This statement is usually uttered after the person has experienced a broken heart caused by some ex-boyfriend or girlfriend. This person then carries all of that baggage into another relationship and does not open up to the next person he or she dates, to ensure that their heart is never broken again. Some would deny that their past relationships affect new ones but the evidence sings a different tune. Is our past really all in the past?

A few days ago an acquaintance confessed what she had done. The day before she was at her boyfriend’s house when he left to get some soda at the supermarket, and then she started snooping. She admitted that she did not plan on going through his things, his drawers or his papers but it just happened. It was like some spirit just took over and she could not help herself. Then she realized that he had left his cell phone on the table so she went through all of his dialed calls, received calls and text messages. She was so engrossed in her search that she did not realize that her boyfriend had returned home and he caught her playing in his phone.

Before I asked her about the man’s reaction, I wanted to know what she was looking for or hoping to find in his things or on his cell phone. She responded that she really did not know what she was looking for but could not help looking. How did he react? When he confronted her about snooping, she explained to him that a past boyfriend had carried on another relationship while he was with her and that she now had a problem trusting men. Voila! Do we let what happens in a past relationship affect the present one? Yes we do. It’s a sad fact but it is true.

Sometimes we expect all guys or girls to be the same, and after getting deceived by one, we think that we will get deceived by the other. So we go along carrying all the baggage from one relationship into the next and let it affect how we relate to our new love. Many persons admit to being less open in new relationships after having their heart broken and are more weary and afraid of falling in love. Even though the past cannot always be forgotten, we really should not make our new boyfriend or girlfriend pay for what someone else did to us. That would just be unfair. I am not saying that we should completely forget past relationships but we should learn from the mistakes, know what bad traits to look for if they ever pop up in someone else but not let the past control our lives.

A guy friend once told me that he was having trouble trusting his girlfriend now because she had cheated on him in the past. I wanted to be optimistic and tell him that he should concentrate on the present and just forgive her but there really was no assurance that she would not cheat on him again or was with someone else at that moment. What do we do when the cause of our past heartbreaks is still present in our lives? Do we just forgive and forget and live happily ever after with that person? That’s the question my guy friend asked me that day and I really did not have an answer. All I could tell him was that every situation is different and that he has to do what’s right for him. Some say that this is how players are made. They get their hearts broken really badly once and never recover. So they build up walls and just have lots of casual flings to ensure that their heart is never broken again. So all of these bad-boy players are just scared little boys trying not to get hurt. AWWWW. Until next week…

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