Pick-up Lines: The Good, The Bad & The Ugly

As a single woman I really have a lot to deal with. Having no man at your side when you are out at a club or restaurant means that you are exposed! Exposed dear readers to the advances of less than desirable men. Some men seem to think that my being single is an open invitation for them to pounce and attack. I call it the attack of the lame, ridiculous and bad, bad pick-up lines. Trust me, I have heard them all.

One night at a club, I’m dancing and doing my thing, when this guy comes up to me and just begins to stare. He then makes his move and shouts into my ear, “I noticed you noticing me, and I’d like to notify you that I noticed you too.” HAHAHA. Yes he actually delivered that line with a straight face and felt mighty proud of himself. I of course did not take him seriously, laughed and continued dancing in another area of the dance floor. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Another guy a week later notified me that he had not taken his pills as yet but I worked just like Viagra, so he didn’t need them. Now that one just deserves a slap in the face. Wait, there’s more. A pleasant and older looking gentleman once approached me at a restaurant and said, “What’s a nice girl like you doing in a dirty mind like mine.” My response “Don’t worry. I just left.”

Now what’s the deal with guys just grabbing women on the dance floor or touching them when they walk by? To the guilty ones, you have no right. It doesn’t mean that a girl wants you just because you want her. And if she is single, she may want to be and you are not the answer to her prayers. That reminds me of a line delivered to one of my girlfriends. The guy actually said, “ Ok I’m here, what’s your next wish?” Give me a break. Can’t they come up with something more intelligent and more real to say? Someone even told my mother that she was so sweet that she was giving him a toothache. Oh please!

Now guys and some girls, you may be wondering about the right way to make someone know that you are interested or ‘pick them up’. Dating experts say that the best way is to just be you and be real. That means if the person is across the room, a simple smile will do. Ladies if you see a really hot guy a few feet away, give a little smile while looking into his eyes, turn away after a few seconds and touch your hair seductively. I’m not talking about flipping it over or anything, just move the few strands out of your eyes and pretend that you don’t know he is watching. Guys all you have to do when you get that signal is walk up to the girl; say hello my name is blah, blah, blah, what’s yours. That’s all it takes. I can’t promise you that you will find the girl of your dreams but I can assure you that she will definitely be more receptive to your advances.

Now I have to end this with one of my favourite pick-up lines. “ Baby you remind me of a parking ticket cause you have ‘fine’ written all over your face.” Until next week…

Let me know what you think. Email me at lovechronicles@hotmail.com

The Rules of Attraction

I could not take my eyes off him. I was attending this pageant at the Cultural Center and turned around as I was exiting the building. There he was, a few steps behind me, the definition of male perfection, so handsome that I could not help but act like a man and look at him over and over again from head to toe. What makes us so attracted to other person? According to many scientists, it’s all chemical so it’s very right to say that you have good chemistry with a man or woman.

Ask women what type of man they find attractive and they usually say the tall, dark and handsome, and men would say a very beautiful woman with a great body. A study showed that certain physical characteristics in the opposite sex stimulate a part of the brain called the hypothalamus, which is then followed by sensations such as elevated heart rate, perspiration and a general feeling of attraction. I can attest to that! The study also showed that men have a preference for youth because it is linked to a woman’s reproductive capacity. Men tend to look for apparently healthier and more youthful women who are more likely to reproduce, take care of the children and continue the genes of the man. Hey, I didn’t say it, some scientist did! Women on the other hand are more likely to be attracted to an athletic and well-muscled man because in history he would be more likely to be a good hunter and provide for the family. He would also be able to provide physical protection for the woman. Today, some women still look for a man who can provide for a family, judging him on his financial status rather than his muscles.

Other studies suggest that facial symmetry in male and female features are related to attraction. The majority of people consider a more symmetrical face more attractive. If the two sides of the face were perfectly symmetrical that person would be considered extremely attractive. Please don’t try this study at home! Researchers at the University of St. Andrews Psychological Department in the United Kingdom created what they call the perfect man. No need to worry guys, this one is computer generated. This guy has large expressive eyes set in a smooth-skinned symmetrical face, with a rounded head and jaw line. The researchers admit that the final image looks slightly girlish but they say that this is what modern women want, caring feminine traits rather than macho ones. Sorry guys!
Tony Little, the principal research psychologist reported that strong masculine features are threatening and considered less attractive but women still want a combination of features involving masculine traits because they want the dominance as well. Ok then.

Back to that guy I saw at the Cultural Center, I never saw him again. Oh that’s too bad. That face was sooo symmetrical. What else do I find attractive in a man? Intelligence, sense of humour, great smile and a sexy butt! Until next time…
Let me know what you think. Email me at lovechronicles@hotmail.com

He's Just Not That Into Me

One night, at my favourite spot in Rodney Bay, I was hanging out with my girlfriends, when we met up with a group of guys. Some of them I knew and one in particular I really wanted to know. We had met before at various functions, and he is just good-looking, intelligent and sweet. So anyway back to the night in question. He and I ended up dancing the night away and he asked me for my number at the end. Now, I hardly ever give out my number, but this guy was cute and a great dancer. (If you are reading this, please do not get a swell head cause I’m not finished yet!)

So a week passed and no call from this guy. My friends and I had a ‘round table’ discussion about the situation and concluded that he was just very busy or very shy. Two weeks later and still no call, my friends and I are at our favourite nighttime spot again, when who walks in but Mr. No phone-call, with a date!! Dear readers, I know that this guys’ dating life is absolutely none of my business, and I wasn’t even sure I was interested in him, but it still hurts the ego.

When we finally get a chance to chat, he makes up some sorry excuse about being very busy. Hey wait a minute, is this guy taking a cue from my book, because that’s the excuse I use. During our second ‘round table’ discussion about Mr. No phone-call, one of my friends recalled an episode of ‘Sex and the City’ when Miranda keeps waiting for a guy to call and he never does. One of her guy friends lets her in on a little secret. He’s just not that into you. So is that my problem, this guy is just not that into me. Talk about a further blow to the ego.

In a book entitled what else but ‘He’s just not that into you: The no-excuses truth to understanding guys’ two former ‘Sex and The City’ staffers, Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo wrote about this situation. In the book, the first chapter was written just for me. The title is ‘ He’s just not that into you if he’s not asking you out. Because if he likes you, trust me, he will ask you out.’ The book also explains other excuses that guys make including the one that I got. If a guy says that he’s too busy to call then he’s just not that into you. Think about it ladies, with all the new technology around, it’s impossible for a guy not to call you if he’s interested. The thing about guys is that they try to avoid any confrontation with a woman and will avoid telling the truth about their feelings.

Like all other women, my friends and I sit around and try to analyse the behaviour of men and ask our female friends for advice. This I have learnt is the wrong thing to do. We should instead ask a man, because they know guys best. Well this guy still hasn’t called and I have had to accept the fact that he would have called, no matter how busy he was, if he really was interested in dating me. Because when a man is interested, he pursues you and comes after you. Now the funny thing about this situation is that I still not sure whether I was ever interested but it just hurts the ego when you realize that he’s just not that into you!

Let me know what you think. Email me at lovechronicles@hotmail.com

First Date Disasters

Some first dates are horrible from the moment they start. The minute he arrived for our first date, I knew that it would be a disaster. For the purpose of sparing his feelings, lets call him Arthur. Arthur asked me out on a first date to dinner at a great restaurant in Rodney Bay. He picked me up at home thirty minutes late and gave me some poor, poor excuse. I was so excited about the date that I forgave him.

Then we arrived at the restaurant, he got out of the car and for the first time I got a good look at what he was wearing. I, as usual, had worn one of my little black dresses with my fabulous red heels. He, on the other hand, had worn a beat up pair of jeans, dirty sneakers and a washed out, multicoloured t-shirt. Now I knew for a fact that this guy had better, much better clothes, because I had seen him at work in his European shirts and beautiful ties. So what was his problem now? Maybe he just didn’t know how to dress appropriately. Hey I felt sorry for the guy but that is one of my pet peeves. Guys who do not know how to dress.

The disaster did not end there. After we sat down in the restaurant, he snapped his finger at the waiter! Yes, he snapped his finger! Some of you dear readers may see absolutely nothing wrong with this, but I think that that’s just rude. Then the food came and he could not use a knife and fork. Guys, if you do not know how to use cutlery in the correct manner, teach yourself or ask someone to show you how.

Did I mention that he also wolfed down his food, like he had not eaten in days? This may sound like I am making a mountain out of a molehill or dust particle, but you needed to be there to understand. It was just so embarrassing and disappointing. I had expected someone refined and well mannered. Arthur also had no intelligent or interesting conversation and he tried to be sexy, but he was just not doing it for me. He ended up looking ridiculous.

I of course tried to be polite and counted down the seconds until the date ended. Five, four, three... The waiter asked if we wanted dessert and I of course declined. Two, one… Ah, it was finally over! As we headed to my house, Arthur asked me about ten times when he could see me again, and very time I came up with a brilliant excuse. To sit through this a second time would be TOURTURE. Well that was the end. I never went out with him again.

Maybe I could have been more tolerable and given him a second chance, but I really believe that the first date is also a sign of things to come. So people do we forgive first date disasters and give the person a second chance, or do we just walk away?

One day I’ll tell you about the time I got stood up and waited for forty five minutes at Razmataz for my date. His excuse? He fell asleep! Until next time…
What do you think? Email me at lovechronicles@hotmail.com

Jungle Fever

I once fell in love with a blond blue-eyed boy from Sweden. I loved the fact that my brown Caribbean skin looked great against his ivory European body. The term jungle fever is used to describe the sexual attraction of a black person to a non-black person, usually of the Caucasian race. For centuries men and women have been falling in love with people outside of their own race. Cleopatra fell in love with Julius Cesar in 46 BC, Iman fell in love with David Bowie in the 1970s and now the supermodel Heidi Klum has fallen for the singer Seal.

What is it about the blond blue-eyed boys from Sweden that I like so much? I love the fact that they are different. The fact that I can cook him bakes and salt fish and he can teach me how to ski. The differences in our culture meant that we had so much more to talk about and countless things to teach each other. And truly after a few weeks the skin colour disappears and the person’s great personality remains.

Even though it is the year 2005, many persons still object to such unions and believe that the mixing of races is wrong, immoral or even evil. While doing research for this column, I came across so many websites and articles dedicated to the topic of interracial dating. Many were in favour of the practice, and websites such as ‘saltandpeppersingles.com and blackandwhitesingles.com provided a forum where ‘an ivory male seeking his ebony princess’ and a cocoa mama looking for her white chocolate big daddy’ could meet. On the other hand, I also stumbled across the Ku Klux Klan website which forbade the mixing of races for dating or marriage. They believe that the white race is superior and will be destroyed by those who date black people. I really cannot repeat some of the extremely ignorant and baseless information I found on this site.

Even in our lovely St. Lucia, where there are many black and white couples, some discrimination still occurs. When I go out with my white guy friends, people automatically assume that we are dating, and some St. Lucian guys take issue with that. Now before you guys start throwing daggers and spears, I am not saying this about all St. Lucian guys, just a very few. For more on this I spoke to what I call an expert on interracial dating, my own sister, whose ex-boyfriend is from Luxembourg and her current is from Australia. She said that even though the colour of their skin is a non-issue to family and friends, and that many of their friends are dating or even married to someone outside of their race, some strangers seem to object to their union. Other black women dating white men have been called traitors to their race. People why can’t we all just get along? As Sir Paul Mc Cartney and Stevie Wonder said in their song Ebony and Ivory, ‘Ebony and Ivory, live together in perfect harmony, side by side …’

Now think about it, if your rule is to date only people of your own race, imagine how many great, interesting and good-looking men and women of other races that you will never get the chance to know. I have had the privilege of having white, black, Hispanic, Chinese, Arab and yes, Swedish friends, and I realize that skin colour is just that, a colour, a descriptive word, nothing more. When you get to really know people, we are all basically alike, some good and some bad. So my caramel ladies, don’t ever pass up the opportunity to sample some white chocolate, and my brown skin men, take some time to add some milk to your coffee! And I’ll let you know how the ski slopes of Sweden look!!
Until next week…
Let me know what you think. Email me at lovechronicles@hotmail.com

The Older Man

I have always had a thing for older men. It all started when I was ten, and saw Denzel Washington on the television screen and then Harrison Ford in ‘Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade’. Oh I was so in love! For centuries women have been attracted to older men and vice versa, and there are many theories to explain this condition. The father of sexual psychology, Dr. Sigmund Freud, developed one theory called the ‘Electra Complex’. He described it as a condition, which is experienced by young girls during their developmental stages, that causes them to form a strong attraction to their father. Ok…, enough of that theory!

Now I have dated older men but they were still young, in their early thirties. I always wondered what it would be like to go ‘older’; I’m taking about twice my age or older. I’m sure that I will have little trouble getting candidates to volunteer for that task, as many older men admit to a preference for younger women. They say that it makes them feel rejuvenated, more energetic, more desirable and attractive. Some women admit to dating older guys because of the many benefits that it brings them. Benefits such as a fatter wallet! I on the other hand, would be interested in just dating someone mature, self-assured and interesting. Can you imagine the stories a fifty year old could tell? Oh my, I really hope my father isn’t reading this!

I actually know of a 21 year-old woman dating a 56 year-old guy. She admits that she has to deal with being called a ‘gold-digger’, rude stares from strangers and nasty comments from older women. Someone even mistook her for a prostitute once! Now that’s hard. She does however admit to enjoying the benefits of the relationship with an older and very financially stable guy, constantly receiving expensive gifts including a vehicle. Even though I do wonder what dating an older guy would be like, I have my reservations about going that old! The relationship may become more parent-child than man-woman. I would also be at a totally different stage of life than the man. When I’m ready to go out and party, he wants to go to bed. Or when I’m ready to have children, he is welcoming his fifth grandchild. And then I must question why he is interested in someone so much younger. An older man I know admitted that he has more control in a relationship with a younger woman, and that she allows him to make all the decisions. Well, that could never work for me.

Anyway, I guess my search for the perfect man continues. Even though I have ruled out the much older man, I will always be willing to date my first crushes, Denzel or Harrison. Until next week…

Let me know what you think. Email me at lovechronicles@hotmail.com

The Younger Man

There is a new syndrome infecting the dating world. It’s called the ‘Demi Moore-Ashton Kutcher’ syndrome. This can be described as an older woman dating a much younger man, sometimes ten or even twenty years her junior. This growing practice is also called ‘May-December’. Now I know that I am only twenty-four, and would not be considered an old woman, but to a nineteen or twenty year old man, I would be described as the older woman.

As you found out last week, I am not meeting any suitable men to date in my age bracket, so I started to wonder about those below my bracket. Maybe I was ignoring a huge segment of the dating population, and just maybe my dream guy was a twenty year old. I decided to do an unofficial survey on the Demi-Ashton syndrome, and ask women whether they would be willing to date a younger guy. A woman in her forties told me that without a doubt she would date, and has dated younger men, and would even choose them before ones her own age. She added that she preferred to be a babysitter instead of a nurse. I can’t argue with that point. Another woman in her fifties said that she always dates younger, because those guys have the same interests as her and enjoy life. She went on to say that older men never want to do active things, and that the younger ones are better in bed. Hey she said it, I didn’t.

I wondered how common this practice was, and decided to do a search on the internet. Thousands of websites were listed, including Dateolderwomen.com. This site had many eighteen year olds looking for grandmas to love, and older women looking for junior! To each his own. So if this Demi-Ashton syndrome was so popular, would it be a choice for me?

So on Saturday night my girlfriends and I went to The Blue Martini in Rodney Bay, and to my delight the place was filled with nineteen and twenty year old men. Ah, perfect time to see if I should consider this age group even though my girlfriends call it cradle robbing. As we were enjoying our blue martinis, one of the young men approached our table and leaned in to whisper in my ear. ‘Can I tell you something?’ He said seductively.
He then started to sing the song that was playing. ‘You’re beautiful. I just want you to know that you’re my favourite girl.’ Was this guy serious? Apparently he was, as he continued singing, sounding more like Macy Gray than Usher. He then proceeded to deliver some of the worst pick-up line I have ever heard. I will not insult your intelligence, dear reader, by repeating them.

When we had exhausted all of our tolerance resources, we started to yawn and made a beeline towards the exit. I don’t know whether this guy was immature because of his age, or that was just the way he was regardless of age. Nevertheless, I am now cured of my Demi-Ashton syndrome and I will not be dating junior anytime soon. I will however make the rare exception for Prince William or Harry! Until next week….
Let me know what you think. Email me at lovechronicles@hotmail.com

Am I Too Picky?

My two best friends insist that I am not too picky about the men I date. They say that I’m just choosy and have high standards. Now after a dateless existence for months, I think that I am indeed too picky. It’s not like I haven’t been asked out or anything. It’s just that I always find ways to get out of it. The more popular excuse is that I’m busy but in my defense it usually is true. Try balancing a television show, a job as a writer at a newspaper and other projects in development and then tell me if you’re not busy! Oh I forgot my very busy social calendar even though I’m dateless.

So why am I so picky? Is it too much to ask for an interesting, good-looking, intelligent, funny, ambitious, financially stable, versatile guy who has a great smile and dresses like he just stepped out of GQ Magazine? Oh all right I guess it is. The thing is that I approach my love life the way I do everything else. I truly believe that nothing is out of my reach and I must dream big in order to achieve it. Someone once told me that it’s rare to find the person that you have been dreaming of getting. Maybe my list is way too narrow and I need to start thinking outside of the box when it comes to guys. So does that mean I will not be dating Freddie Ljunberg of Arsenal any time soon?

Even though some of us do not admit it, we all have our dream guy or girl and try to get as close to that as possible. Guys, Halle Berry is out of your reach and girls, Orlando Bloom is taken, but is it so wrong to look for that ideal person. I’m sure that my high standards have cost me some interesting dates and experiences but as my mother always says, ‘Life is short’. So I really don’t want to waste any night on someone that I really don’t want to spend time with. I really prefer to stay home and watch reruns of Sex and the City or play with my puppy Coco.

Two weeks ago I used my busy excuse on a guy who has been asking me to go out on a date with him. His response was that if I really wanted to, I would make the time to see him. Hmmm smart guy, but just not for me. The guy’s good-looking, smart, funny but something just didn’t click. I asked my friends whether I should give him a chance and they both said hell no. Is that this single girl’s problem? Not giving guys who do not fit my perfect bill a chance? Or should I just keep hope alive that one day soon a great, good-looking, funning, smart, well-dressed guy or Freddie Ljunberg will just walk into my life? Or maybe I should just stop taking dating advice from my girlfriends!

Let me know what you think. Email me at lovechronicles@hotmail.com