CSME Love

I have always loved to travel but after my recent trip abroad, I am now becoming an advocate of inter-Caribbean travel. Last weekend, I went to the island of St. Kitts for the 10th Annual Music Festival and I not only met some great superstar performers like Beenie Man, Shaggy and Morgan Heritage but there was also a huge spike in my life where the boys are concerned. It had me thinking of the great benefits that CSME will have for me. Not only will I be able to work in other islands, it will also be easier for me to date guys from there as well. Ding, Ding, Ding!!!

Now let me start from the beginning. My girlfriends and I stayed at the Marriott Hotel where all of the performers from the festival were staying as well. So it was only natural for us to come up close and personal with them. Chris Brown kept staring and the guys from Morgan Heritage made sweet eyes at us. But it did not stop there. I have to say again that traveling to other Caribbean islands can do wonders for a single girls dating life.

In the past I have spoken about how the size of St. Lucia negatively affects my love life. You see the same people over and over again, there is nobody new to meet and when you do date someone, he last dated a friend of a friend of a friend so it is uncomfortable for everyone. So my ladies, if you want to meet some interesting, cute, funny guys, just look up or down the Caribbean Sea and you will find oh sooo many of them. These governments in the region need to finalize this CSME thing so that we all can benefit.

So, let’s get back to St. Kitts. One night after the concert, we went out to the BET Soundstage for the after party. While there we met up with some medical students from the US who were studying in St. Kitts. One of them in particular seemed very interested in me and at the end of the night asked me out on a lunch date for the day after. Alas, he seemed interesting and did call the day after to set up the date but unfortunately my schedule did not permit. Oh well.

Then there was guy number two. He was the sound engineer for one of the big acts at the festival and I meet him back stage at the media tent while I was waiting to interview Shaggy for my TV show Access Caribbean. I had seen him earlier with some of the other members of the band. I was walking by and one of his friends called me Tyra Banks. I smiled and laughed as I walked away. Anyway, he finally got the courage and came over to me. This guy was truly very interesting and I really wanted to find out more about him. Alas, he was leaving the next day and wanted to maybe meet after the concert or for breakfast. I was so tired that I crashed and woke up after he checked out of the hotel to fly to Miami for another show. When I woke up, I realized that he had left a very sweet note under my hotel room door saying what a pleasure it was to meet me. AAAWWWW. How sweet!

Guy number three. This guy I had met before through a friend of a friend who visited St. Lucia on business. I had met him during the Jazz festival and he suggested that we come to St. Kitts to film the festival. He also had business interests there and would be on the island at that time. There were a few sparks when we meet in St. Lucia, so of course we had to meet up again in St. Kitts. I must say that this guy is truly intriguing and I hope that we spend more time together in the very near future.

Now the last incident happened on my last day in St. Kitts when I was getting ready to check out of the hotel. The Caricom Heads of Government meeting was taking place on the island and all of the Prime Ministers of the region were checking into the Marriott. So as I was sitting, waiting in the lobby, a Prime Minister of a neighboring island (who shall remain nameless) came up to me and said, “Woman, you are beautiful. Why are you so beautiful? What’s your name, your full name?” The PM kept staring and then said that he hoped that I preferred his country to St. Lucia because it was better by far and wide. As he said the far and wide he kept on motioning around his stomach area. I am still trying to guess what he was talking about.

Well, well, well, time for CSME to be in full effect. Who knows, I might be dating a Caribbean national from another island soon or maybe even a PM!

Love vs Career

A couple of weeks ago my sister asked me a very interesting question. She asked, “If you had to choose between having an extremely successful career, someone like Condoleezza Rice, the Secretary of State of the United States or having a very very ordinary career with a great love life, which would you choose?” I didn’t hesitate when I choose the amazing career over the love life. My sister tried to explain that maybe the love life would be better to choose because that could bring me more happiness. I beg to differ. I also had to wonder, does my quest to be the best at work interfere with my love life?

I am only twenty five years right now and for me, being a successful writer and building my TV production business is much more important right now that having a boyfriend. If I were forced to choose, I would always choose the career. Maybe ten years from now, having a great love of my life and a family may be more important, but right now I really can’t think along those lines.

Women have been battling this dilemma for decades. In the fifties, a lot of women were satisfied with being a great housewife and mother and their family was their number one priority. Things started to change in the sixties and women began to rebel. By the seventies and eighties, it was all about the high-powered positions as women flocked to the boardroom. In the nineties, the ladies wanted it all and tried to balance family and career. Today, a lot of women are choosing to leave the office to become pregnant cooking housewives, something I could not be. Now, I am not insulting anybody’s choice, it would just not be mine.

Now back to the important question. Does my drive and ambition to have a successful career interfere with my love life? I have always said that my boyfriend would have to understand how important work is to me for us to have a successful relationship. The fact that I work a lot even in my free time would affect the amount of time I spend with him and he would have to understand. Some guys would just not be able to deal with that.

A guy once admitted to me that he could never date someone like me because he would feel a little intimidated by my ambitious nature. Is that also a problem? Are guys running scared because a girl wants to be successful? Well if that the case, they wouldn’t be worth it anyway. Guys have to get that cave man mentality out of their heads and realize that women can bring home the bacon as well and they (the guys) can cook it. Haahaha. I will surely never get a date now!!!

After reading my column last week, my mother told me that no guy would ever want to talk to me again. They would all be too afraid. Oh boy!! So what do I choose, having a popular (award-winning!!!) column or having a guy? You know my answer.

Enough Already!

I have really had enough! Enough of the bad pick up lines, the irritating guys who still do not get the message after you tell them to leave you alone, and the men invading your personal space when you are out trying to have a good time. I have concluded that all of this happens to me because I am single. Think about it. If I had a man at my side, would these idiotic creatures still pounce? I do not think so and I have all of the evidence to prove it!

Incident one. I was at a party a few weeks ago and I seem to be the only single gal there. Why did I come? I thought to my self as I looked around and saw almost everyone else in a twosome. I will blame it on my sister who dragged me out and who was also not alone. So I’m there, just bouncing my head to the music, eating some fried chicken, when this guy who had been staring at me for the last half hour approached. “Hey, are you a model?” he asked while coming way too close to me. “Well sometimes I model,” I answered being as polite as possible. “Well, I just knew it. You have this different look, I just can’t explain it, a different face, yes, body, uhum, yes,” he continued to babble as he surveyed the area a.k.a. me!

I looked around for someone to save me, someone who would come to my rescue or even my sister but they were all otherwise occupied with their husbands, wives, boyfriends or girlfriends. As he continued to drop every chat line available, I just knew that all this torture could have been avoided if I was part of a couple. The guy would probably have never approached me, or my boyfriend would scare him off for me. HAHAHA.

Incident number two. I was filming something for my television show Access Caribbean, when a guy at the location started acting really chummy. Now I am usually a friendly person and my sister says that I flirt without realizing it, so maybe I am to blame for all of this. Anyway, when I was leaving, I reached across to shake the guy’s hand. Instead he reached over and kissed me on the cheek and handed me a piece of paper. “Why don’t you put your number on there so I can take you out,” he said seductively, smiling and staring into my eyes. I didn’t want to be rude and just tell him no, so I quickly scanned my reserve of excuses stored in the brain and came up with the following. “Well, I have a boyfriend and I don’t think he would like other guys taking me out on dates,” I said, hoping that he had never read the Love Chronicles column, where I plainly state that I am single.

“How long have you had that problem?” he answered quickly. “Well for a year and a half now,” I responded. “Oh ok, well that’s too bad,” he said backing off instantly. Ahah! Problem solved. So you see, I mention that I have a boyfriend, the guy back off and does not pursue. I can only imagine how different the situation would have turned out if I had said that I was single. In the past, when some guys heard the magic ‘single’ word, they take that as a license to try to convince me that the are the perfect guy for me and are convinced that I will believe that too if they just bug me enough.

Incident three. I was at a club in Dominica sometime ago, dancing away when this guy asked me to dance. I told him that my boyfriend was coming right back, so no I could not dance with him. The guy told me that he was sure that I had no boyfriend and that I just did not want to dance with him. Humm, smart guy. But I was out with a male friend, so when he returned to dance with me, I smiled over at the guy to show him that I indeed had a boyfriend. Oh my! The things a single gal has to go though everyday. I have truly had enough, so I am now accepting applications from guys who want to play the role of my boyfriend! Until next week…

Long Distance Love

Recently a friend of mine asked for some advice concerning her relationship. Her boyfriend of two years was moving away indefinitely for business purposes. He had asked her to join him but her commitments in St. Lucia prevented her from doing so. She admitted that she was truly in love with him and wanted to know if she should try to save the relationship regardless of the distance (he would be moving to Europe). Can love survive the long distance?

Many persons all around the world are now dealing with long distance relationships for several reasons. Some move for work and others for school. Other couples have to deal with their partner being away for several weeks at a time and we all know the horror stories about the traveling salesman with two wives and families who know nothing about each other. So what options does a couple, getting ready to deal with long distance love, have?

In an article by Andre Cross for Askmen.com, he talks about three basic options. The first is that the couple can decide to remain faithful to each other and keep the relationship as is. The second option is that the couple can agree to date other people, have an open relationship and see what happens. The third is that they can call it quits and start dating other people right away. So what is the best option? It all depends on what is best for the particular couple.

The couple has to decide whether the relationship is worth saving and must agree on how they will deal with the separation. So many issues arise with all of the options. If a couple decides to stay together regardless of distance, then trust issues come into play. When people live in different countries or even on different continents there is no sure way of knowing what they are up to. This reminds me of an incident that happened to one of my guy friends. He and his then girlfriend had decided to stay together even if they attended university in different states in the US. They communicated very often and the guy remained faithful. One holiday weekend, he decided to surprise her and flew over to see her. He went straight to her apartment from the airport, knocked on her door, expecting her to answer. She wasn’t home, but a guy claiming to be her boyfriend was and wanted to know who the hell he was. Well, well drama followed and he broke it off with the girl and took his depressed self back home.

Stephen Blake, author of the best selling ‘Loving Your Long Distance Relationship’ series is more positive about the survival of these types of relationships. He says that distance is not the end of the world in a relationship and that distance cannot and will not hurt a bond between two people, which is based on mutual respect, trust, commitment and love. Mr. Blake is rather optimistic but hey I guess it works for some people. Until next week…