Reality vs Fantasy

If you write about love and sex every week, many people start to believe that you are an expert of sorts, a love doctor, a relationship fixer or an advice giver. One of my girlfriends came to me recently to ask me about her love life. She wanted to find out, how someone knows when they are truly in love. How do you separate reality from fantasy, love from lust and infatuation? Do you ever really know if love is true?

This girlfriend of mine had met this guy out and she instantly felt connected to him. They started going out, talking on the phone three times a day and seem to be madly in love with each other. She wanted me to advise her on the relationship and tell her if this love that she felt was reality. I must admit that even though I write about love, I am no expert. Love and relationships are some of the most confusing things I know. I believe that you can never be one hundred percent certain about love. Some may disagree with me but just take a look at the rate of divorce all over the world, the constant relationship breakups.

Love to me means taking a leap of faith, going somewhere with someone even though you have no idea what is ahead. Love is all about following your heart and opening up your life to someone else. I asked a 27 year old male colleague of mine who has been married for almost two years, how he knew that his wife was the one. He said that he knew he loved her and had to marry her when he realized that he loved everything about her, her smell, her smile, her laugh, her face, her personality. He smiled whenever he heard her name and thought about her constantly. He put her needs over his own and wanted to be with her forever. Wow! That’s some heavy stuff.

Now back to my girlfriend. I told her that she had to find out on her own. She needed to listen to her gut and follow her heart. Life is all about taking chances and if your heart gets broken, then that’s life. We pick up the pieces and then move on.

In my love life, I am facing a bit of a predicament. I like someone alot but we have certain challenges. First the distance and then I have to find out whether what I feel is real. I am in the same predicament as my girlfriend and I should really be taking my own advice. Take a giant leap and see what happens. What’s life like if we do not open up our hearts and let love in? Absolutely boring! Makeups and breakups are sometimes painful but ultimately they make life much more interesting and enjoyable.

So how do you know if your love life or relationship is reality or absolute fantasy, true love or infatuation? I think that sometimes you just know, you feel it. Hey, sometimes you may get it wrong but what’s the worst that can happen. The relationship ends and you move on. Hopefully you learn something from the relationship that will ultimately help you out in the next. I asked another girlfriend of mine about love, how she knows when it is real. Her response? She does irrational things, behaves in ways that she does not usually and just is completely free with the person that she is in love with.