What's In a Title

A girlfriend of mine and I were discussing relationships recently and we were wondering how a couple knows when it is time to give a certain title to a relationship. So let’s say you are dating this guy for three, four months. Is it ok to assume that he can be called your boyfriend and you his girlfriend? Do titles have to be discussed by a couple before they are used publicly? Or is it just a natural progression after you have been together for a certain time?

A few years ago I was working at this company where the manager’s girlfriend was also an employee. If anyone introduced the two of them as boyfriend and girlfriend, she would swiftly and loudly correct them. ‘He is my partner,’ she would say with a sneer on her face and extra emphasis on the r. What exactly is a partner? Is that a step up from boyfriend and how do you graduate to being a partner? Many gay couples use partner as a title because they are not allowed to get married in many countries. Maybe this was her way of saying that they were almost married.

Dating is already a confusing activity and it can be made even more difficult when terms of the relationship are not made clear. Experts agree that when starting a relationship, it should be discussed whether it is just a casual date, a fling or if you are looking for a serious relationship. I don’t know if I completely agree with that. Imagine being on a first date and asking a guy, ‘so what exactly do you want out of this relationship because if you are just looking for a fling, then I am not your girl. I want to settle down and I am looking for a life partner.’ Slow down there. Even if the guy was looking for something serious, I think that he would hit the road running after that!

My advice is to give it some time and see what develops before putting a definite title on the bond. I am not saying to go out with someone for two years and not know where you stand, but I would avoid the first date inquisition.

Some love experts say that in the beginning if both persons are dating other people at the same time, then the dating is just casual. As soon as the couple agrees to be exclusive and date only each other, then titles should be given to avoid any confusion. This would be the appropriate time to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend. Maybe the partner thing comes after a few years. I dunno. A male colleague told me that most guys want to avoid commitment and would rather not put a label on any relationship. I beg to differ but hey, I’m not a guy so I really do not know how they think.

Some couples are very fussy when it comes to titles. Get it wrong and hell will follow. Like the woman I mentioned above, she would stay angry with you for days after if you made the mistake of calling her partner her boyfriend. I think we should all relax already and enjoy our relationships. Anyhoo until next time…