Do You Have GST?

On recent Sunday, while flipping through the channels, I came across an extremely interesting reality show on Lifetime. The show was called Gay, Straight or Taken, and single women were tested to see if they had GST. Let me explain. One single girl had to spend some time with three guys. One guy is gay, the second is straight and single and the third is taken or unavailable. The girl has to figure out which guy is the straight single one and if she guesses correctly the two of them go on a romantic vacation together.

I was thoroughly engrossed in this show and tried guessing who was Gay, Straight or Taken. As a single gal, I have to do this very same thing when dealing with guys. In the dating world, how can you tell the difference? Are there signs or signals to indicate a guy's status if he does not volunteer the true information? With a limited number of straight, single guys out there, girls must arm themselves with a huge dose of GST in order to weed out the not so good options.

In the past the stereotype of gay guys was very clear. Most people assumed that if a guy was very much into clothes, grooming and acted in a feminine manner, that he was gay. Now, with the rise of the metrosexual (a straight guy who spends a great deal of time and money on his appearance and has a great sense of style), it is much harder to judge a guy's sexual orientation just by his attention to his appearance. After spending some time in Miami and having a few gay friends, I surely know that not all gay guys are neat freaks or have great style. So that throws this theory right out the window! And now with some brothers on the down-low (guys who have sex with other guys on a regular basis but who do not identify themselves as being gay or bi-sexual), it is even harder to separate the bananas from the oranges.

Now, I hope that no one is misconstruing my remarks. I have nothing against gay guys and I have had the privilege of having a few gay friends, but as a single gal I need to be able to quickly and efficiently identify who is single, straight and available.

Now on to the men who are taken, unavailable, have a girlfriend, a wife, baby's mama or are in a committed relationship. Some of these men, when 'chatting up' women, conveniently forget to mention that all important fact. Even when these guys are singing a different tune, is there anyway to tell if they are 'off the market'. The truth is that you really can't tell, especially with guys who have developed the art of lying about it. My advice to you, especially if you live in St. Lucia or any other small community, is to ask your cousin's mother's sister's friend's co-worker, cause somebody somewhere must know something about him!

So there really is no definite way of telling if a guy is gay, straight or taken if there are no obvious signs. So what's a gal to do then? Hopefully your cousin's mother's sister's friend's co-worker will have some information about the guy for you!

The Love Triangle

There is an old saying that advises a woman to choose the man who is in love with her instead of the man who she is in love with. What's a girl to do if she is madly in love with guy number one but he is does not feel exactly the same about her. Then there is guy number two who is madly in love with the girl but she does not feel exactly the same about him. Does she choose option one, option two or say adios to both?

I know what my answer would be, but let's put that aside for now while we investigate all the options. If you had to choose between two guys/girls to spend the rest of your life with, would you choose someone that was absolutely devoted to you who you didn't think is your soul mate. Or would you go for another person who you are totally devoted to but who does not have similar strong feelings for you?? Decisions, decisions…

An acquaintance of mine once told me about a similar dilemma that she was in. She was in a relationship with this guy for one and a half years and she was really in love with him. The guy on the other hand treated her like crap, cheated on her constantly and clearly did not love her. Soon another guy comes along and shows plenty of interest in her and he soon declares that he is in love with her and wants to treat her like a queen. Even though she is not in love with this new guy, she promptly leaves her boyfriend and begins to date. She admitted that she was just as miserable in this relationship as she was in the old because she didn't have any strong feelings for her new boyfriend. The relationship lasted for three months until she broke up with him.

Well if I had to choose between the two, was forced to choose, told to choose or else…; I would do the smart thing and choose the guy who is devoted to and totally in love with me! Isn't that the better and smarter route to take? I think that life would be sort of easier knowing that the person you are with truly loves you. Then, I guess it would be a bad thing for the guy; having a girl who does not feel the same way about him. Another thing that may happen is that the girl may just wake up one day, get tired of being with someone who she is not in love with and may just walk out.

The second route is just as problematic. You start having a wonderful relationship with the guy that you are totally in love with and then one day out of the blue, he ups and leaves because he gets tired of being with someone who he is not in love with.

In both instances, only one person is happy in the relationship, and as a result many problems and issues will arise. For a relationship to work, really work, both people involved should want to be with the other. The best option is to say adios to both and find someone who loves you just as much as you love them!

Many times, in relationships, people settle for less than they want. Even though they feel unsure about being with their partner or they are remaining in the relationship for the wrong reasons, they do not end things. A guy once told me that he no longer loved his girlfriend but did not want to break up with her because he felt obligated to say in the relationship. They had been together for four years and he had simply fallen out of love with her. In the end, she broke up with him because she caught him cheating! If only he had been honest and ended the relationship earlier, some of the drama could have been avoided. Anyhoo, until next time…

Broken Hearted

Can a broken heart be mended? Can we survive having our hearts stomped on by another and then recover to love again? Yes, I know this sounds a tad bit melodramatic but really can we love someone else fully after we have been hurt in the past? And is it easier for men or women to get over 'love gone bad'?

My heart was truly broken for the first time circa 1987, when I realized that Michael Jackson would never be mine forever. I had to cheer myself up by listening to 'Bad' over and over again. Yes folks, I, like all kids of the 80s, was in looove with Michael. Anyway, I got over him and moved on to Denzel Washington.

Now let's be serious. Let's say you fell madly and truly in love with someone for the first time in your life. I am talking about true love, not giddy lust or anything like that. You believe that this person is your soul mate and you are prepared to spend the rest of your life with them. One day out of the blue, your 'soul mate' says that he/she has had enough and they want out of the relationship or you catch him/her cheating. Can your heart ever be mended? Can you fully love again and be open with another person without thinking about what happened in the past?

I asked a couple of friends about this recently and they all agreed that a broken heart in the past would almost always affect relationships in the future. It has been said that 'players' (guys or girls) who now go around breaking hearts, were once broken hearted themselves. They got hurt by their true loves and are now taking revenge. Yes I know I am getting melodramatic again but there is some truth to it. If your girl or guy deceives you in some way, it will be harder to trust again in a new relationship. You will, like it or not, judge your new love by the actions of your old one.

So how do we mend a broken heart so that we can love again fully with putting up all of the barriers and walls around our hearts? We have to remember that this is life. You win some you lose some. From every relationship we learn a lot about our selves and about others. We learn what to do and what not to do in a relationship. We also have to realize that everyone is different, that each relationship is different and we can not blame or judge someone based on another person's actions.

My male friends were saying that women handle break ups much worse than men do. I beg to differ! I think that both men and women can suffer equally from a broken heart. Sometimes some men just have a better way of hiding it and keeping it all in. Men, don't be afraid to cry and let it all out!

As I get older (yes I know that I am only 26), I truly believe that everything happens for a reason. If someone breaks your heart, cheats on you or leaves you, then it is for the best. At least they are now out of your way and out of your life so that you can meet someone else who is better for you. Anyhoo enough of this depressing stuff. This is a brand new year and I can not wait to see what happens next in my love life. Stay tuned…

Love In The Office

The inevitable sometimes happens. When you spend 24/7 working at your office, spending time with your collegues, more time with them than even your family, romance may blossom. Inevitably, two eyes will meet across the boardroom desk and a man and woman will fall madly in love (or lust) with each other. Inter office romances stir up so many issues. Should it be allowed in the work place or not? Who can date whom? Do you keep the romance hidden from the rest of the office? Is it ok for an employer to become more than friendly with an employee? And when does 'harmless flirting' cross the line and become sexual harassment?

Before I continue, I must answer the question that you are probably asking. No, I am not dating or want to become more than friendly with anyone in my workplace! Now let's get on with this very juicy topic. First, should inter office romances even be allowed? Some companies do have very strict polices against it but others do not really give any guidance on the issue. It is said that human beings are powerless over who they fall in love with but sometimes the situation may just become way too complicated especially when the meeting ground is the office. I think that office romances can actually work and many I know about have led to marriage and committed relationships. It is not advisable however for a manager and one of her/his employees to start a little something going. Even though true love may blossom between the two, a lot of drama can happen when other employees resent the relationship. Any promotion or advancement may be looked at suspiciously.

A friend of mine who lives Miami once dated a guy she worked with. She admitted that the relationship was successful only because they worked in different departments on different floors of the building. A few people in the office knew about the romance but it did not interfere with their jobs because they did not work directly with one another and they never went about making out in the hallways or playing 'footsy' during meetings.

In a smaller workplace where everyone has to work with everyone else, love in the office may be a bit more complicated. Can you imagine having a worldwind romance with some gorgeous guy, then having to concentrate on work while he makes sweet eyes at you if he is sitting two desks away? And what if the relationship goes sour? You have to see that face day in and day out.

Then on to the serious issue. When does 'flirting' in the office cross the line and become harassment? Managers and others in charge should, at all costs, avoid flirting with their employees. Many companies (not in this country of course) have had to shell out mucho dinero for some senseless and sexual remark made by their managers to a member of staff. So many friends (male and female) have told me how their bosses have harassed them in one way or another and many just grin and bear it. Hope the new labour code does something about that situation!

Anyhoo folks, do have a happy New Year and I wish us all success and joy in our love lives in 2007!