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Esther Lee's Love Chronicles

These are my personal tales of love, life and sex. Love Chronicles is now an award winning column. It captured the Gold (1st) prize for Creative Journalism in the National Arts Awards 2006 in St. Lucia!

April 16, 2007

Cheating Bastards

I have always wondered, what makes a man cheat on his wife? What makes a man leave his wife and children at home, sneak around in the middle of the night and sleep with other women? A male colleague of mine once said that men can’t be monogamous, that it is not in their nature. Is is really true? Is it in their scientific make up to be cheating bastards? Another issue that arises is whether a relationship can be saved after infidelity. Hey, I’m not saying that women do not cheat––far from it––but we are investigating the male species today.

Some men argue that genetically they are supposed to cheat, that it is in their nature to stray because they are responsible for spreading the sperm to continue the human race, blah, blah, blah. Even though that is a valid point, we do live in a civilized society now and as human beings we all have something called choice. In addition, no man is going around trying to spread his sperm and have some kids when he is out cheating. He always has the choice to stay faithful. Another widely accepted reason for cheating is that the relationship has run its course; the man is no longer in love with the woman but wants out. Instead of being brave and telling her so, he cheats instead.

We all like different flavors of ice cream. My favorite is truffle but I like having something different once in a while. So some men in long-term relationships just get tired of the same thing day in and day out. They get fed up of being with and having sex with the same person. They want variety so they go find other flavors somewhere else. That is why you must keep your relationship interesting and exciting in and out of the bedroom!

Men also cheat to get revenge. The woman has an affair, so to pay her back, he has one too. We all like the thrill of the hunt, the chase and the conquest. Many men admit to the fact that the most exciting part of a relationship is the beginning when he has to work to get the girl. After the prey has been caught, things can get a little boring, so to get that thrill all the time, men go after other women. My advice, let your girlfriend put on a wig, pretend to be someone else and flirt with her at a bar. Pick her up, take her home . . . You get my drift. This keeps everyone excited and entertained.

Men also like their ego stroked and they love to be admired. When a relationship is in the comfortable stage, women may not laugh at his jokes like they use to. So he goes out just to see if he still got it. He cheats to see if he is still the man. He finds a new woman who tells him he is their God and he’s happy for a while.

Another simple reason for cheating is the opportunity. A hot woman at a bar or the office hottie flirts with you, invites you over and you are off and running. Wow, is there no hope of finding a faithful man. I am really starting to wonder. Even though I have listed many many reasons why men cheat, this does not excuse the behavior. We all have the power of choice and if you want out of your relationship then just get out. If you are bored with your woman or man then do something to spice up the relationship. Go get that wig . . . you get my drift.
(The photo above was taken during a shoot for the third season of my tv show Access Caribbean)

April 10, 2007

Leap of Love

Life is all about taking chances, having options and choosing a path. This is what keeps it all exciting, the unpredictability of it all. Love is really the same thing, not knowing what may happen day to day keeps us on our toes. Some love choices are humungous and drastically change our way of live. How much of our way of living should we change in order to be in love? How big of a leap should we take to satisfy our hearts desires?
A friend of mine is in love with this guy. She met him here when he moved to the island to work on a one year project. The two fell madly in love and remained together until he left. They decided to do the long distance thing but after five months, they admit that this situation is torture. They need to be together. Now this guy is running a company in Europe and cannot move back to St Lucia. The girl on the other hand has a great job on the island but would be able to translate her skills and talent anywhere in the world.

A few days ago, this guy makes a proposal, asking my friend to please move to Europe to be with him. He also asks her to marry him and say that they will start planning their wedding as soon as she flies over to meet him. So what does she do? Now, she admits that she is deeply in love with him and would love to live in Europe but can she give up her job, family and friends to be with him? This girl loves her independence and really enjoys her life here. So the question remains, how much should we give up in order to be with the one we love? Do we just go with our heart and take a leap of love?

There is really no clear cut answer to this situation. Love is all about taking risks and this one would be a huge one. Giving up your life to follow someone half way around the world is not an easy decision to make. I would say that if you are in love and you think that the relationship has a future, then go for it. Especially if you are young, childless and do not have many obligations on the island, then take the leap, take the chance.

So what if it doesn’t work out a few years from now, or you are no longer happy with the guy. Then you move on with your life and make another decision that will make you happy. I have always been the sensible type, thinking too much with my head sometimes instead of my gut and my heart. I have been learning that regret is one of the worst things ever.

It really is better to go and try something or someone out instead of passing up the opportunity and then regretting that decision later on. I am not saying that you should be wild and crazy and jump at every proposal that you get. But if your heart, your gut and, yes, your head is telling you that this is the right path, then follow it and see what happens. That’s the best you can do and who knows, there just might be a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Take a leap of love today!

April 02, 2007

Pearls Of Wisdom

Recently, one of my mother’s best friends spent some time with my sister and I. She calls us her daughters and usually imparts very good and practical advice about life. The lesson of the day was on my absolute favourite topic; love and choosing the right man. Our dear friend informed us that she would be imparting some extremely important pearls of wisdom; named for the exquisite set that she was wearing at the time.

“My girls, I will share something with you that my mother always told me about men and love,” she began. “She tried to teach me the right way to do things but I did not listen. I do not want the two of you to make the same mistake that I did. When you are choosing a man and are ready to get married, never think with your heart. Use your head and other areas to decide what man you will be with.”

What exactly was she telling us? Should we ignore our heart when it comes to love? But wasn’t love and being with the right person all about what you felt in your heart? Our friend agreed that what you feel is of course very important but let your brain lead you into a good relationship, she advised, while stressing that you must do what is best for you and find a man that can truly complement you in all ways and one that will never drag you down. She advised to look for someone ambitious, like ourselves, who was doing something with their life. Never get caught up with all of those feeling and emotions,” she advised, “look at love as a more practical affair.”

Was she correct? When it comes to choosing a man, do we abandon what we feel and go for the practical? But isn’t love all about the impractical? Okay, now I’m kinda confused. Can we think with our hearts and be practical as well? Sometimes, as I have learned, that this is next to impossible. What I have always said is that a woman (or man) should have a list of what they are looking for in a partner. We should all have our requirements of what we want. I always believe that even though we need to be open to all the possibilities of love that we must always stick to our standards. There is nothing wrong about wanting certain things in someone that you want to share your life with.

I have said before that a guy has to have a good brain in that head of his to be in my company. Just telling me that you like my small size or I look like a good woman for you will not get my attention and make me stop and talk to you. A guy also needs to know how to loosen up, have fun and understand my sense of humour. Like me, he must be ambitious and not be satisfied with just the basic out of life. Well, I guess the pearls of wisdom do carry some truth. I of course want to be madly in love with him as well!

So my ladies and guys, I am passing on the advice to you but with some minor changes. Love with your heart but keep your head on. Have your list of what you want in a partner but do not be afraid to change it because what is important to you will change as well. These are my pearls of wisdom.

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