The Unintentional Flirt

Last week I learnt something about myself that I had never noticed before. This thing that I suddenly realized, is somewhat troubling and really not a good thing for a single girl to be. I was told that I flirt without meaning to or without knowing that I do. Am I an unintentional flirt?

Okay, so let’s start from the beginning. Last week I was walking through Castries with my sister when I saw this guy coming towards us and staring at me intently. Only when we got really close I realized that he was an acquaintance who I had not seen in years because he was away studying. I of course got excited, hugged and kissed him (on the cheek) and spoke to him for a while. After we parted, my sister gave her observations. “Esther,” she said. “If anybody was watching that exchange with you and that guy they would probably think something was going on between you two.” “What do you mean?” I asked confused. She went on to explain that the way I looked at him, smiled at him and touched his arm while speaking may give out the wrong impression to other people and most importantly to him. OYE!!! She went on further to point out that I behaved like this frequently, and that I may be flirting without realizing it or my very open and friendly attitude would be mistaken for a love connection. OYE!!!

I tried explaining to her that I just felt comfortable talking to most people and that my looking directly into the eyes just meant that and nothing else. Furthermore if I’m happy to see someone, I smile and I sometimes touch people when I’m talking to them. No flirting going on here. Just friendly behaviour. During this week, I started to really think about what my sister had said. Was she right? Did my friendly attitude come across as flirtations? Oh my! Maybe that explains the uninvited gestures of love that I have been getting recently. Was I misleading guys and was it my fault that I had been receiving these unwanted advances?

My unintentional flirting brings up another very important issue. Guys that I am really interested in may think that I am interested in someone else. A couple of weeks ago I was at Mangos Bar and Grill in Rodney Bay Village hanging out with some friends. A guy I knew came over and we stared talking and laughing. I of course was my usual self and smiled and laughed and hit his arm when he made a joke (I was not interested in him in anyway whatsoever). Mid way through the conversation I glanced across the bar and saw this guy staring and frowning at me. Now let me explain that this other guy across the bar is someone that I do have a great interest in. This guy continued staring and frowning until the guy who was talking to me left. Looking back on that situation now, I have to wonder if the guy across the bar thought that I had some sort of interest in the one (guy) I was talking to because of my behaviour (which I now know looks like flirting). Oh boy. So if someone who I actually like thinks that I like someone else, they may just back off. Oh my, Oh my, Oh my. Then maybe, he could have just had a headache and I am analyzing the situation way too much.

Now, I did some research online and realized that I am certainly not the only person with this dilemma. It seems that many, many persons have this challenge as well. One website stated that the unintentional flirt does not know that he or she is sending out mixed signals and that they are completely unaware of the depth of their flirtations. So I just may be reading guys the wrong way as well. So if some guy who is also an unintentional flirt is just being nice, I may read that as interest in me and I may give unwanted advances. Oh my, Oh my, Oh my. Until next week…