All In The Past?

We have all said or heard someone say the following: “I will never get hurt by any guy/girl again.” This statement is usually uttered after the person has experienced a broken heart caused by some ex-boyfriend or girlfriend. This person then carries all of that baggage into another relationship and does not open up to the next person he or she dates, to ensure that their heart is never broken again. Some would deny that their past relationships affect new ones but the evidence sings a different tune. Is our past really all in the past?

A few days ago an acquaintance confessed what she had done. The day before she was at her boyfriend’s house when he left to get some soda at the supermarket, and then she started snooping. She admitted that she did not plan on going through his things, his drawers or his papers but it just happened. It was like some spirit just took over and she could not help herself. Then she realized that he had left his cell phone on the table so she went through all of his dialed calls, received calls and text messages. She was so engrossed in her search that she did not realize that her boyfriend had returned home and he caught her playing in his phone.

Before I asked her about the man’s reaction, I wanted to know what she was looking for or hoping to find in his things or on his cell phone. She responded that she really did not know what she was looking for but could not help looking. How did he react? When he confronted her about snooping, she explained to him that a past boyfriend had carried on another relationship while he was with her and that she now had a problem trusting men. Voila! Do we let what happens in a past relationship affect the present one? Yes we do. It’s a sad fact but it is true.

Sometimes we expect all guys or girls to be the same, and after getting deceived by one, we think that we will get deceived by the other. So we go along carrying all the baggage from one relationship into the next and let it affect how we relate to our new love. Many persons admit to being less open in new relationships after having their heart broken and are more weary and afraid of falling in love. Even though the past cannot always be forgotten, we really should not make our new boyfriend or girlfriend pay for what someone else did to us. That would just be unfair. I am not saying that we should completely forget past relationships but we should learn from the mistakes, know what bad traits to look for if they ever pop up in someone else but not let the past control our lives.

A guy friend once told me that he was having trouble trusting his girlfriend now because she had cheated on him in the past. I wanted to be optimistic and tell him that he should concentrate on the present and just forgive her but there really was no assurance that she would not cheat on him again or was with someone else at that moment. What do we do when the cause of our past heartbreaks is still present in our lives? Do we just forgive and forget and live happily ever after with that person? That’s the question my guy friend asked me that day and I really did not have an answer. All I could tell him was that every situation is different and that he has to do what’s right for him. Some say that this is how players are made. They get their hearts broken really badly once and never recover. So they build up walls and just have lots of casual flings to ensure that their heart is never broken again. So all of these bad-boy players are just scared little boys trying not to get hurt. AWWWW. Until next week…