Playing Games

Something dawned on me when I was out with the girls on the weekend. As Oprah would say, I had an ahah moment. As I looked around the club at men and women interacting I began to wonder about how many of them (or maybe I should say us) are being themselves or are they just playing a game and following some rulebook. Can we actually just be ourselves, go with our gut instinct and react naturally when it comes to the opposite sex? Or must we play the game and play it well in order to win the jackpot?

Now for us to play the games of the dating world well, there are many guidebooks out there willing to show us the way to the perfect relationship and how to decode the man or woman. Some of these include ‘How to Survive Dating’, ‘The Five Love Languages’, ‘He’s Just Not that into you’, ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’, ‘Date or Soul mate’, ‘50 Secrets of Blissful Relationships’, ‘Men are like Fish’, ‘Seven Weeks to Attract the Love of Your Life’, ‘Stop Getting Dumped’, ‘Why Men Love B!$@hes’, and let’s not forget the guidebook of all love guidebooks; ‘The Rules: Time Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right’, and of course, ‘Rules II: More Rules to Live and Love by’. Ok, ok enough already. And this is just a tip, no, a drop of the iceberg of relationship and dating books available. Then there are the websites. While doing research for this column, I searched the Internet to find out what advice the guys were getting, when it came to understanding women. Like the books, there was information on everything from ‘how to pass her tests’, ‘the moody clues and understanding PMS’ to ‘five ways to get inside her head’ and ‘the player: make your dates fall for you’. Oh my!

So is everybody just playing the games of love or are we truly falling in love? Imagine you are on this date and you have read one of the above mention books and he has gotten his own stash of advice columns at home. This means that you are not really enjoying the other person’s company, listening to what they have to say or being your true self. You are too busy trying to decode his behavior, wondering if he’s that into you by analyzing the way he moves his hands and thinking about what ‘The Rules’ said about first dates. Then you are both trying to remember the list of do’s and don’ts you got from your friends. After the date the guy is waiting four days to call you because this book said so, and you are not calling him because this other book insisted that he must call you first, and then you only answer when he calls the second time. Oye! I’m getting a headache!

Can you believe that there is even a guidebook that teaches you how to be yourself while dating? It’s called ‘Truth in Dating: Finding Love while Getting Real’. On a popular men’s site there are guides and advice on how to handle women according to what dating book she is reading! I must admit that I have, in the past, followed rules or played the game instead of going with my gut instinct. I can’t really say if it helped the dating situation or not. Now back to the club. I met this guy who told me that guys are afraid of women like me. “What type of woman am I?” I asked, ready to defend myself from whatever nonsense he was going to dish out. He responded, “Well just the type that understands guys a little too well. You can detect those who are playing games from a mile away.” Really? Hmmm. Maybe that’s why I am single, but I don’t think I understand guys at all. Maybe I should read ‘Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus’. I wonder what ‘The Rules: Time Tested Secrets to Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right’ has to say about this. Until next time…