Mr. Nice Guy

There is a popular phrase, which says that the good guy always wins. In the action movies, that saying is always almost true. In the dating world however, good guys may find themselves at the bottom of the feeding chain when it comes to women. Yes, yes, I know that a lot of women say that they want the nice guy, but are we always telling the truth? Do we really want a guy to spoil us rotten, bring us candy and flowers every week, be caring, sweet, sensitive, always at our beck and call, and always available? Yes and no.

Now guys, I know that this answer may confuse you, and yes I know that women are already too complicated to understand, but that’s the most honest answer you will get. When I say yes, that I do want a nice guy who’s caring and spoils me, I mean that it’s great to be with someone who cares about you and surprises you with flowers or candy occasionally. When I say no, I mean that I do not want a guy who is toooo nice, sweet or as a friend of mine would say, saccharine. (dictionary meaning: of sickly sweetness). Yes believe it or not, a guy can be too nice, when he makes himself too available by calling you ten times a day. A guy once called me fourteen times in a row. I stopped answering after call number three. If he always buys you gifts or flowers, or does any of these thoughtful gestures too much, then the intended meaning is lost, and it all just becomes way too much.

Some women, like myself, want a guy who challenges them, who can hold his own in a disagreement, and not concur with every single thing we say. In other words, we do not want a doormat, a ‘pushover’ or a ‘yes man’. Now guys, I beg of you, this is not a license to become insensitive, uncaring, ill-mannered, argumentative jerks. This is just to advise you that too much of a good thing is not necessarily a great thing. This situation can be compared to delicious chocolate cake. If you eat a slice or two, you will enjoy it and definitely come back for more. On the other hand, if you eat the cake all at once, you may get physically sick and not want any more chocolate cake for a very long time.

A few years back, a guy who was interested in me constantly wrote love poems and even brought me a huge bunch of balloons. It was sweet but I had had enough of the overly gushy and romantic gestures. I do applaud him for putting all his feelings out there but it was just too much. A female friend reported that while at college, a guy who she really liked started laying it on thick. He would bring her chocolates every day, write love notes during class, call her constantly and even bought her jewelry. After two months of this behavior, she began avoiding him and then broke it off. Sad, but true. She remembers that she felt suffocated and just got tired of the guy, because he was always around.

Another form of the too nice guy is Mr. Sensitive. It is great when a guy can display compassion and show that certain things affect him. Many say that it takes a man to cry, but do women want someone who literally cries and bawls at the drop of a hat? A friend of a friend once dated a guy who just loved watching romantic movies. Sweet, you say. He cried all throughout the films!

Now guys please do not stop being nice, well-mannered gentlemen but take it easy with the sugar! As with everything else, overdoing the Mr. Nice Guy routine may backfire and have the opposite effect. I also sometimes wonder if these guys are for real or are just playing a role. Anyway, do let me know what you think.