Types, Choices & Lovemaps

Everybody at one time or another gets ask the question. ‘What type of guy/girl do you like?’ We all have our lists of requirements (some longer than others), our likes and dislikes, our deal-breakers and pet peeves. Some women like the strong silent type while others go for the loud talking bad boy. How do we choose whom we choose?

As with everything else to do with love, there are many studies promoting many, many theories. Now let’s talk about me. I usually go for the lean and tall guys (I am five feet nine and three quarter inches, without heels, so there!). I also like those who have a sense of humor, have lots of in use brain matter and heaps of ambition. Hey, that sort of sounds like a male version of me! Do we attract or fall in love with people who are mirror images of us? That is one theory of attraction. Some studies report that persons with similar core values, beliefs and personality traits usually attract each other and stay together longer. Others say that we fall for people that also have similar educational levels, intelligence, religious beliefs and financial status. It seems that we understand each other better if we have backgrounds that look the same. Now that’s only one theory.

There is a saying that opposites attract. Why are there so many movies based on the good catholic school girl falling for the motorcycle riding, leather wearing bad boy? Another study shows that we fall for someone who is apparently opposite to us. Now back to me. I am also attracted to guys who have different interests or hobbies than I and who are from another part of the world. I got a lot of heat for saying that some time ago. I am not saying that St. Lucian guys are not wonderful but I think that it is so much more interesting when you can share things that are foreign to the other person. It seems that opposites attract because we look for personality traits to complement or complete our own personality. So if a woman is soft spoken and shy, she may be attracted to an outspoken, social guy. That may also explain why beautiful, broke women and unattractive, wealthy guys seem to stick together like crazy glue.

I am sure we have all said or heard someone say, that so and so guy is being spoilt by his mother, and he will expect the same thing from his girlfriend or wife. That, dear readers, is sooo true. Even more researchers have reported that men and women look for partners with similar personality traits of their parent. If men have mothers who are strong-willed, these men will look for women with strong personalities. There is however a downside to this. In studies of abusive households, researches found that women with alcoholic abusive fathers are usually attracted to men who are also alcoholic and abusive. The way our parents behaved when we were growing up may also affect the way we deal with the opposite sex.

Now I must not end without telling you about this professor of medical psychology and pediatrics at John Hopkins University, John Money. During his research, he developed the term ‘lovemap’. This, he explains, is a group of messages encoded in our brains that describes our likes and dislikes. This ‘lovemap’ shows what we like and dislike in the opposite sex in terms of physical appearance and personality traits. So according to Mr. Money, we look for mates who fit that map and that it is also developed during childhood. He theorizes that by the age of eight, we already have the idea of our ideal mate encoded into our love map. So that explains why I am still in love with Harrison Ford after seeing him all these years ago in Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade! Until next time…