The Law of Zafe Moun

In life and in love, one fact always remains, one truth always stands, and one law is always upheld above all else. This is the no fail law of Zafè Moun (translation: other peoples’ business). It does not take a village to go on a date or to have a relationship, so why does it seem like all the residents are involved? It is because of the law of Zafè Moun.

Last weekend, I was out with the girlfriends and a date (yes, I actually had one) at a hotel in Rodney Bay Village for a little event. We were hanging around the bar area, talking, laughing and having a good ole time when I realized something happening. Three ladies, literally three steps away from me, were actively and passionately practicing the law of Zafè Moun. One girl then proceeded to elbow her friend and say, ‘Who is that man Esther Lee with there?’ Her friend then spun around and inspected me and my date, until she had gathered all of the information she needed. ‘I have no idea, who is that man?’ Girl number two responded. Oye!!! These girls were three steps away, yes three steps away and they were minding my business and talking about me like there was no tomorrow. I had no idea who they were and don’t remember ever meeting or seeing them. Now honestly, we all talk about other people (oh just admit it!) and alert our friends about recent happenings but hopefully we have the sense to do it when we are not right next to the subject in question. Maybe these ladies are readers of this column and couldn’t believe that this single girl actually had a date!

Now the law of Zafè Moun does not stop there at all. Some persons take it further and want to produce, direct and write the script for your dating life or relationship. We all know the story. A guy and a girl get together; they are going along their merry way, having a great time with each other when they encounter major interference. Family, friends, acquaintances and even strangers all want to play a part in the relationship. They observe what is happening, discuss it with the board and then hand out their recommendations. In other words, give you advice about your love life that you never ever asked them for. These people want to tell you want they think about your significant other, what they think about you and what you should be doing in your relationship. Now I am not saying that you should say nothing if a close friend of yours is in a very unhealthy or abusive relationship. By all means be a friend but just be sure that you are doing it for the right reasons.

The law of Zafè Moun goes even one step further. This is when strangers or mere acquaintances keep track of your relationship and of your significant other, and then make contact with you to let you know what they think or what they have heard. Sometime ago a friend of mine received a phone call from one such person. Let’s call my friend Diane. So Diane is sitting at home when her phone rings. The woman on the other end of the line just wanted to inform Diane that she had just seen her (Diane’s) boyfriend out with another woman. Diane said thank you, laughed and put down the receiver. ‘Who was that?’ Diane’s boyfriend asked her, as he was sitting on the couch next to her! This communication also comes in the form of emails, text messages and passed by friends of friends of friends.
Oh wait my cell phone just rang. It’s a very good acquaintance telling me that she heard that I was out with a guy last weekend and wanted to know who he was. WOW!! The law of Zafè Moun wins again!!